Things You'd Love to Say at Work, but Can't

• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
• Do I look like a people person?
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.